Love Handles

There's nothing like a good grip to hold onto a woman. Glad I'm so providing to Jack Sprat. I'm bursting out of my pants. My pear shape is turning into a pumpkin. I'm of course disgusted. But does that stop me from buying Lindt extra dark chocolate? Nooo. Does that stop me from eating ribs or ice cream? Nooo.

Last summer I ate my sadness. This spring, I'm not sad anymore but my mouth hasn't received the memo yet.

In a desperate attempt to drop 20 pounds before I leave for Europe, I looked up some diets I haven't tried. Believe it or not there are quite a few though judging from this bookshelf, I have a PhD in diets. Did you know there's one out there where you  can eat 500 calories and get shots in your stomach? Of course you are going to lose weight but your belly is going to be black and blue.  This must have been inspired by some concentration camp cook. The newest rage to fast two days promises quick results.  Dah! I know let's not eat. As if that's going to happen.  I like food. I like eating more than 500 calories in one sitting let alone one day.

Do I embrace the love handles and throw it all to the wind like one of my friends who happily goes about her life? Buy military strength Spanx? Have my jaw wired?

I remember as my sister (may she rest in peace) lathered butter all over her noodles said "Just eat what I eat." That was in the day when saccharine was only fake sugar available.

It still comes down to what goes in and what I burn off. I may have to spend the next week in the gym from opening to closing. I've got a huge deficit to recover.

Maybe they'll call me on a mission to India or remote Inuvik.