I read blogs like this one from Whitney, from Louise and from Janine who are all women I admire because they have taught me, made me laugh right out loud and influenced my life. Which is a very good thing. I'm in desperate need of influence and instruction.And laughing - right out loud.


You see, I am pretty pathetic right now.

I have been mothering for 30 years and can't seem to switch gears now that they have left the nest. I can't seem to figure out how to have relationships with adult children. I am either shrinking in their towering shadow or lecturing them on my vision of the world. I don't know where the boundaries are anymore. And what is my role now? Why do I need a role? You see what I mean about being pathetic? I want to let go. I don't need to tell them who they should date or marry or what they should study or where. I need to let go. But I can't seem to stop all the drums beating in my head "Hang on, hang on".

And in an other relationship in my life, with the demented Used to Be Mother, I am becoming Mother. I have to remind her to wash her clothes. I take her to her appointments. I make sure that she has wool. I remind her who's who. I'm caught between two paradigms. And seeing how Used to Be Mothers and Used to Be Fathers who ran corporations and managed large households and lead political parties now sit vacantly waiting for their dinner doesn't provide a very promising future either.

I want to stop being paternalistic with my adult children and more patient with my child mother. I want to exercise a little more trust. These children are smart, opinionated and independent. B and I have done a really good job launching them. And I need to respect their choices, their decisions, their opinions. And not feel upset that they will be different than mine. I don't want to live through them. But how do you suddenly change tactics from being a straight shooting talking from the hip kind of person to one that eats her tongue all the time?

Obviously I wouldn't be so pathetic if I could actually do what needs to be done. I'm in for a lot of "pathetic-ness" or a lot of therapy. Perhaps you have some really good advice to share. What works. What doesn't. Or maybe a number to a really good shrink. Whatever, I'm ready to learn.