Mother's Day 2012

Tomorrow morning I will sit with all those whom I love most in a sacrament meeting to hear Pup give his final talk before he leaves for the mission field. He's part irreverant, part stand up comedian and part Nephi Nerdy. His topic is how mother's teach their children to love the Lord. I'm hoping for lots of comedy.

Earlier this evening, we waded our way through knee high dead grass to take family photos along the Elbow River with the lovely Eden Lang behind the camera. Rebeling against photos past where we wore all denim or all black or all Christmas sweaters, we each wore this time what we wanted with no thought of pattern, colour nor coordination. It's going to be a modge podge of colour and texture. Just like us. Different. A beautiful tapestry rich with variety and unduplicated colours. Attached  by a sealing thread though at times it feels like it will snap under the strain of the differences.

I'm promising myself not to feel bad tomorrow when all that pomp and ceremony showered on Mothers happens. Hallmark Schmalmark. I remember several years where I'd try to choose a card for Used to Be Mother. It was either disgusting in its syrupiness or just simply untrue of the relationship we had. My children don't buy me cards either. Perhaps they have the same dilemma.

I've been a rose bush kind of mother - one minute full of loveliness the next thorny and prickly. I've said and done things to each of these children that have hurt them, have discouraged them, have frightened them. I've done a lot of good too. I've read to them out of the very best books. I've exposed them to all sorts of diversity and experiences to broaden their world. I've been there for their plays and the awards and the track meets and the recitals and the graduations and the basketball games and the swim meets and the soccer games and the cookie sales. Proud. Cheering. Full of admiration for their willingness to try new things.

Because of how I'm wired I often only remember the thorns, but tomorrow as I sit in that pew surrounded by those whom I love most, I am going to allow my heart to feel peace. Not Mother of the Year. Not the Mother they sometimes want and need. I'm going to enjoy just being there with them and my heart will caress ever so gently those frayed spots in our sealing thread.