After a long day of yard work, we went out for dinner. While my sister and I pulled, clipped, and chopped, our mother fed herself and the dog a bag of jelly beans. Fernando follows her around sure to be rewarded for his patience.

She reviews the menu at the restaurant.  She announces she isn't really hungry. My sister and I order and they bring a basket of muffins, sour dough rolls and a muffin just for her.  She cuts it in half and butters liberally one side. After her first bite she announces that it is delicious.

UTBM: I ordered tea not hot water.

We get her a tea bag and she continues eating her muffin.

UTBM: That was a delicious hamburger.

I don't think she has even swallowed before she is pushing her plate away and tidying up her portion of the table. You'd think that other half of the muffin were a poisonous snake and she needed it far away from her.

UTBM: My teeth are really hurting me. They are really full of stuff. Want to see?

And with that, she pulls out her top plate right there in the restaurant inviting us to inspect her teeth.

Mom, get your teeth back in.

UTBM: Well they hurt me.

Why don't you go into the bathroom and rinse them off.

UTBM: Here? Are you kidding? That's something I just do at home.

UTBM: I forgot my pills. (Her calcium tablets). She opens up the little wooden box she carries with them and proves it's empty. I'm going to be late with my pills.

More stacking, tidying.

I give the waiter the credit card when the bill arrives.

UTBM: Are you going to give him your credit card? Are you sure you can do that? Is that safe? What if he takes it and leaves?

More stacking of dishes. More tidying. More complaints about her teeth and how she wants to get home.

UTBM: I've really enjoyed being with you girls tonight.

Really? I'm exhausted.