5/5/13

Prickly Pear

Used to be Mother walked to my house today. She had been invited for dinner and decided to walk here. Exercise her independence. Test her brain. She had attempted it yesterday wearing her touque and spring coat. Yesterday she was uncertain she had taken the right road and when I came out looking for her and found her she was certain she was dying because she was all wet.

When she arrived today, we weren't home from church yet. She decided to try to windows and doors to see if she could get inside. It was quite a shock to find her sitting in the living room when we finally got home.

It annoyed me that she was here so early. It annoyed me that she asked inane questions. It annoyed me when she started in on me again about why she couldn't live with me. She is lonely.  She would be so helpful here. She could pay me some rent. She misses me terribly. I felt cranky when she talks like this for there is absolutely no reasoning with her. She always ends these conversations "You don't want me".

That she feels she is not wanted is regretful. I believe at times this manipulative accusation is carefully targeted for my conscience; I even at times do wonder why she doesn't live with us. Being with her for 30 minutes gives me the answer though at times I wish I were Asian. Or East Indian.

We start eating our dinner and she announces she has to go home. She has forgot her drops. She has so much to do. I don't understand her rush to leave. I'm cranky all over again with her because she is rude and disruptive and doesn't care that my dinner isn't finished. "I wish you would take me home now".

As she kisses and hugs me goodbye she says "I miss you so much". Bob takes her home.

I am all 9's and 7's. Well today I don't miss you. Today you bugged the crap out of me.

And with that I down a half a pan of puffed wheat squares. Got to stuff all that meanness back down.

2 comments:

Mercedes said...

eating your feelings is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with stress. it's how i get through my job and how josh gets through card games.

i love you mom.

Louise Plummer said...

Why is it not natural for us to walk off our annoyance rather than eat it? Why, why, why?