Tonight at FHE, we talked about lessons we learned from our mothers. I felt ashamed that I had let my pettiness cloud my thoughts yesterday. Guilt is boring. I ate enough puffed wheat squares to feed a small school. Guilt is unproductive. Although I felt bad, something told me that I would feel prickly again before the week was out. It's just going to be the way it is.
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My mother passed away a little over a year ago. Currently I am missing her so much. She had dementia, she was paranoid and suspicious - particularly of me. She always wanted me to move back into her home and take care of her. I always knew I couldn't do it - physically, mentally, emotionally. She lived her last year in assisted living. She died there - she insisted that she did not want to die in assisted living but when it happened I don't think she cared much where she was. She was surrounded by friends and family although I was not able to be with her (another guilt). But it's okay now. I got there the next day and was able to help dress her for burial. (I wish we had picked out a different dress but maybe she'll get to pick out her own for the resurrection!) And I know now that she understands, it happened so fast!
I love reading your posts! They help me remember why I shouldn't feel guilty and they help me remember my mom. Thank you so very much for sharing. You are in my prayers.
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