Some Body Parts Just Shouldn't Be Seen

To follow up on Used to Be Mother's suspected bladder infection, we had to catch a pee sample in a tiny little brown bottle. She's a camel, I wanted to shout but they shooed us off to the toilette with a small towelette and instructions. Used to Be Mother wasn't listening to anything. She had to pee right that minute. I helped her pull down her pants and told her to hold it while I opened the towelette. I handed it to her so she could wash herself but she just could not understand my instructions so I had to do it. She squealed how cold it felt all the while dancing up and down because she couldn't wait any longer to pee. There are just some things you don't ever want to do or see and this is one of them.

I knew her holding the brown bottle to catch the urine wasn't going to happen so I told her I would hold it while she stooped to pee. I'm behind her holding this tiny bottle looking right up my mother's bum. To add to this awful position, she farts. I'm not making this up. I'm gagging in disgust from whatever rotted food is emitting out of her and trying to catch that urine which by now is splashing all over the place except in that little bottle. I adjust to line up with her flow. It's now overflowing. Apple juice is lighter than this urine.

 I can't wash my hands fast enough. Used to Be Mother needs help with her pants. She can't figure out how to use the electronic soap dispenser. She can't make the automatic water tap work. She wonders where the towel is. By the time I finally have her back in the doctor's office, she is agitated that she is going to miss her dinner.

UTBM to the Dr: "What are you going to do with my pee?" She asks in a tone that suggests the doctor might be stealing it.

And so it goes. I take her home during rush hour traffic. She is late for her dinner. She is cross. I am tired of dealing with her.

Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully I won't have nightmares tonight.