Why I Might Want to Sell or Seriously Injure My Dog

Fernando doesn't shed. He doesn't bark at other dogs. He walks along my left side like a loyal companion. He greets each of us with so much enthusiasm we wonder that his tail doesn't drop off. He lies on his back and plays with his toys with such merry abandonment that we can't help but smile. He frolics at the off leash as if he were a rocking horse. Almost everyone who sees him comments on his beautiful coat and his gentle nature. With his mouth stuffed with a small toy, he has a unique playful invitation for some fun. He's a pretty lovely pet. Almost five, this Portuguese Water Dog has brought a good deal of happiness to us. So why would I want to murder such perfection on four feet?

He's a thief! An opportunist. He waits on the sidelines hoping someone will turn his back for a split second. Said plate will experience Fernando's expert though totally disgusting cleaning. His belly rules his otherwise sweet nature. He counter surfs. He can open lids. He can open pantry closet doors. He's even chewed his way through a can of sardines even though it was fully enclosed with cellophane wrap.
Tonight while the rest of the family was elsewhere, Fernando saw that lovely blue roaster full of delicious chicken on the counter. With expert agility, he patiently guided that roaster to the hardwood floor where the contents spilled with all their succulent juices. When I arrived home, the only evidence of his latest thievery were the unmistakable paw prints all over the hardwood floors. And a very clean roasting pan albeit very empty one.

And there he lies beside me in my office all innocent and placid. If you could see his belly right now you would see that it is bulging and really quite full.
One dog for sale. Hurry before he wags his tail and wants to play with us. Hurry before we change our minds. Or before we find an axe.