Family Day Musings

As I have been reading the Old Testament this year, I have been struck with the number of flawed families there are. One young man kills his brother, a father offers his daughters to men of questionable character, a father appoints Eliezer – someone not of his family, to be heir, a mother deceives her husband to ensure her preferred child receives promised blessings, another father favors one of his sons above the rest which creates such jealousy that the brothers plot to kill him but instead eventually sell him to a band of Ishmaelite gypsies who then sell him to Potiphar.

Today we would call that particular story of Joseph child abduction, involuntary confinement, child trafficking and slave labor. These are just a few of the examples;I am not even finished Genesis yet!

Flawed families are not just a phenomenon of the OT. No, we can find examples of things that aren’t quite right in Lehi’s family, in Alma’s family, in Joseph Smith’s family. In the D&C 93 vs 47-48 the Lord rebukes Joseph for not keeping the commandments and then points out that his family must needs repent and forsake some things OR be removed out of their place.”

We are taught in the Family Proclamation: “that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children and that the family is the fundamental unit of society. This unit is so important that in 1995 President Hinckley called upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family".

So what about the family that is worth protecting? Why strengthen this often flawed institution? Certainly a casual glance at the scriptures would be enough to convince anyone that the family can be a real mess! I have wondered over the years if there weren’t a better model that the Lord could use in his plan.

Some years ago I read to my children a story called The Giver where a different society model is presented. Nobody is poor; there are no jails because nobody commits crime; no need for a hospital because there is no sickness and unemployment insurance is not necessary nor welfare for everyone has a job.In this society every family is happy! Jonas, aged 12, is chosen to receive all the Memories so that the other people don't have to worry. He is guided and instructed by the Elders and the Giver, an old man.Jonas soon discovers that his utopian world is dangerous and hypocritical. While its citizens are free to choose to live in relative ease and peace, Jonas discovers that they also lose sight of what it is to be human and to be free.As Jonas learns more about the dysfunction of his utopic society, he determines that he cannot live like them. He will make a choice to break free. Clearly this novel’s model in the utopian society was flawed as well.

As I have thought more about these flawed families in the scriptures and the purpose they serve for us as guides, two themes in particular strike me which I would like to share with you today.

Firstly there are the essential attitudes of Forgiveness and subsequent reconciliation that a family needs to foster. Let’s look at the story of Jacob and Esau, twin sons of Isaac and Rebekah, who had a serious falling out. Esau felt robbed not only of his birthright but of his father’s blessing to the first born. Jacob on the other hand felt justified that his brother did not value his birthright. His mother may have shared the revelation she had received while she still carried the twins in her womb which indicated the younger one would rule. Their falling out became so egregious that we read in Gen 27 vs 41 that Esau hated Jacob and he vowed to slay him. So Jacob flees to Haran. Years pass. We can read their marvelous reunion but before they do, Jacob is worried for he fears his brother. He prepares presents for his brother and organizes his family. But not only does he physically prepare for this reunion, note in Gen 32 vs 9 that he prays to the Lord. He pleads with the Lord to deliver him from his brother and then in vs 12 he reminds the Lord of the covenant they have made that his seed shall be as the sand of the sea. Jacob has faith in that covenant and he seeks the Lords help.

In Chapter 33 vs 4 it says “And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him, and they wept. This is not the only example of brothers forgiving each other. We will see it again with Joseph and his brothers. Despite these flawed relationships, the point here is that families hurt each other – things happen that canker the soul and hinder the potential of the ideal family. We can choose as Esau and Jacob forgive and be reconciled or become estranged and bitter enemies as Laman and Lemuel did.

The second theme we can learn from these flawed families is that Faith is anchored in the divine promise and not in human possibility. Let’s look at Sarah. Abraham receives an astonishing revelation that the Lord will make his posterity as the sand of the sea. Imagine the hope and then disappointment as the months turn to years and then decades and no children have come to them. One day they entertain three holy men See Gen 18 vs 10 – these men prophecy and say “Sarah thy wife shall have a son!” In Verse 11 we read what is not humanly possible. I quote: “Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.” Sarah’s reaction: and I paraphrase here “Look at me – I am an old lady! Get real! And now the divine promise: vs 14 "Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the time appointed …Sarah shall have a son.



I wonder what Sarah thought? What did Abraham think? It just wasn’t humanly possible. And yet we read in Gen 21 vs 2 that nothing was too hard for the Lord “For Sarah conceived and bare Abraham a son in his old age at the set time of which God had spoken to him. ‘ The scriptures are full of stories of men and women who receive promise and revelation from the Lord and despite what is not humanly possible, these promises are all fulfilled when the individuals stay the course and exercise their faith.

Think of all the promises that you have received in blessings, from prophetic instruction, from the scriptures, from quiet but real promptings from the Holy Ghost. Perhaps they include temple marriage, children, a righteous posterity, a fruitful job, good health. For most of us, I suspect we have promises that are not yet realised which causes us disappointment, and discouragement. We may feel tempted like Sarah to say “Don’t you know what’s going on here?” but just like Abraham and Sarah, the time will come when these blessings will not be barren. Nothing is too hard for the Lord. His ways are not our ways. His timetable is not ours.

As I was preparing this talk, I was reminded of a particular divine promise that was made to families in 1915. What is particularly important is that this promise was reiterated again in 1999 by President Hinckley. Listen to this divine promise:
"If the Saints obey this counsel, to hold regular family home evenings and to teach their children the gospel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase, faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influences and temptations which beset them. “We counsel parents and children to give highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study and instruction, and wholesome family activities.” Sometimes family home evening can seem humanly impossible. We have so many time competing demands. We have children who would rather Facebook or play Xbox or text on their cell phones. We have Monday Night Football. But if we can make family home evening a priority, family prayer a priority, the blessings will result.

In conclusion, despite its flaws and imperfections, despite its frustrations and sorrows, the family is the best schooling we can receive to become legitimate heirs of our Heavenly Father’s kingdom. It is where we can learn forgiveness, reconciliation, where we can exercise our faith and have it strengthened. And may I remind us that this includes a ward family. Because the Lord has sanctioned families, we can trust that he will not forsake us and that all his promises will be fulfilled.